The Disgusting Part Of Running

Blood, Sweat & Tears . . .

I have almost never had a long run that did not include some degree of bleeding. Whether it's blisters on my ankles and feet, my shoes rubbing off my toenails or good old-fashioned road rash, there will be blood. 

In fact, it's such an appropriate theme for marathon running,  I've made it my theme song. Blood, sweat and tears. Once I have all three, I know I'm having a good run.

For chafing, I've found the best and most affordable product  is Vaseline. Just slather on any area that needs protection and head out down the road. 

. . . Spit, Snot, Pus, Farts & Burps . . .
Now let me make one thing clear: burping, spitting, snot-rockets and farting are all socially acceptable while training and racing with others. Something is gonna erupt; it's part of the sport. When you're out there, bouncing around for hours on end, there are going to be some side effects.

. . . And Then There's Pee . . . 
There are two options when it comes to peeing. You either find cover somewhere and go or you just simply slow your pace and let 'er rip. I don't pee in my pants when I run but some people during a race don't mind one bit. I'm not that crazy about shaving off my time, so I prefer option one.

. . . And, Uh, Vomit . . .
As for me, I have a super strong stomach when it comes to losing my cookies while running. It has happened a couple times, once when I overheated running midday in the Nicaraguan sun and humidity and once after some intense interval training. I was able to stop myself from a full-on vomit fest, but definitely gave a few heaves in that direction. 

Vomiting is a part of running hard. I do think you ought to have had at least a couple bouts of running-induced nausea before you can officially call yourself a runner.

. . . Followed (Sometimes) by Runners' Trots

Yes! Diarrhea is a major concern for many athletes, particularly those in running sports, of which almost everyone has suffered from the dreaded “oh, shit, I gotta shit" moment. I have never pooped my pants while on a run. But some have. 

I'll spare you one particularly awful Boston Marathon photo, featuring a competitor with excrement running down her leg, crying, but still running. I'm far from bashful, but that is dedication I'm not sure I have. 

Running jostles and reduces blood flow to the intestines as the body sends more blood to the exercising muscles. This stimulates changes in intestinal hormones that signal it's time to go. Becoming dehydrated exacerbates the problem. Add  pre-existing bowel issues, and you are even more likely to find yourself "pinching it" and praying for some porcelain.

A very quick transition happens in all runners when it comes to their beliefs in the occasional outdoor "quick squat and plop." I've had to get comfortable with taking a crap in some very awkward places. Sometimes it's been just off the trail in the jungle or forest where cover is a few steps away. But in an emergency, taking cover under an overpass or ducking behind some poor old soul's parked car is the only way things  can work themselves out. 

On days when I'm feeling a little irritable, I pack toilet paper. Never use leaves! Countless people have paid the price after dragging leaves up their cracks. I always wear a bandanna, which I know I could turn to in a pinch, and I've heard that smooth (emphasis on smooth!) rocks do a terrific job as well.

So, if you want to run long distances, you should probably suspend your fear of bodily functions because, well, it's natural. You'll soon discover that whenever you see a stray turd in a strange place you won't have to stop and ask yourself, What kind of sick-o would crap right here? You already know it was probably some crazy runner, bounding around, on a natural high, giving a crap. But not really.